2003-09-15

I have been quiet yet again, in this seemingly endless road to recovery of myself. I have been trying to be more chilled, not feeling like I 'have' to do stuff. Like I 'have' to write in my diary. Well, I've just wanted to live it rather than write about it all.

I am pretty much pot free now. Trying to enjoy just sitting on the couch reading, something I haven;t really done for years. I enjoy long, lazy breakfasts, take 2 hours to get ready for work, leave work at a decent time, run on the beach...oh and move house.

God yes! But this time, this time, I swear, this time its gonna be home. I desperately need one. ALthough, where I am now has been a good home, its just that at any minute, they will realise they can either get a holla lot more rent on this place, or sell it for a small fortune.

I am moving to a warehouse. Yes, that long held, rock/hippy/artist dream to live in a warehouse. We know the landlord, he is giving us a three year lease and building stuff for us. He is giving us below-market value rent. I am waiting for something to seriously fuck up, though I hope to god it won't. I don't know if I can cope through another house-drama.

This will be the perfect living place, I am sure of it (text doesn't portray it, but I am using a tone of uber-optimism, tinged with cynicism...the kind of optimism you are sure is going to make a fool of you). Other than that, I just drift day to day, trying to enjoy at least one thing a day (under instruction from my psychologist).

One of the best times I have had lately is going to Jukebox Saturday night, live at Raymond Terrace Bowling club, a couple of weeks ago. Its like a Blue Light Disco with beer, complete with yelling "NO WAY GET FUCKED FUCK OFF" to the Angels hit, in the face of your mates. Including cheesy dosie doe moves with our mate during "Thank God I'm a Country Boy". Its headbanging to "Its a Long Way to the Top if You Want to Rock and Roll" and having head bangers neck the next day. Its singing the whole "Appetite for Destruction" album in the van on the way there, complete with passengers banging on the roof of the car. Its chattin' up dudes at the bar, who are either farmers, or won a piddling (or not so piddling) amount on the pokies and now wanna buy you a beer. Its about going outside to smoke. Its about the best fucking night I have had in ages, with the most unbridled joy I can remember feeling in quite some time. Its about the photos (1, 2) on the KO-FM website. Its kinda dumb, but I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a bit that night...