2004-05-02

Well, I have moved out of my beloved warehouse for awhile (details deleted, story secreted). I am staying with Nods and her three girls, so I have somewhere to stay. But I simply do not know what to do with myself. I don’ t have any of my toys and stuff to play with, except this non-internet laptop. I am sleeping on my squishy spare mattress that hurts my neck to sleep on. My clothes are in a pile at the bottom of my mattress. Fuck, sometimes it feels like I will never settle down. This is my 9th living arrangement in 3.5 years. Then again, its all up to me.

How do I feel? Mainly I feel that I am getting too old for this shit and I just want to be in one place for a long time. I’m going to buy a house. Hopefully that will screw with the plans of fate, which to date have been to move me as much as possible. What the fuck will fate come up with if I own my own place? How will fate ensure that I keep moving around? That’ll fuck it.

I just want to sit very still, for a very long time and potter. I am no good at going out. Or at least, going out does not appeal to me. Half drunken conversations over big screen footy games were novelty value to me once, and now its just a way to pass time. I don’t want to be doing that shit, passing time waiting for something. Waiting for it to get better? I gotta do that myself. I don’t want to pass time talking about other people and their failings. I feel myself dropping into these habits and its not what I want for myself

So what do I want. I mean I have to work it out in order to chase it. Here is a list:

I want to record music

I want a ‘serious muso’ band

I want to get back to zinedom

I want to live in Newcastle’s coastal suburbs

I want to eat a good vegetarian diet

OK, how about I start with those things? I think I can do that.