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2004-05-21 After having my white trash tarot done the other night, I was surprised to have an I’ching reading within the same week. Roffy was in town for a split second and came over for dinner. She asked if she could give me such a reading. Being in some new circumstances, it was certainly time to let half-arsed prophesies read from a book rule the next phase of my life. The reading was white trash stylee, with the tossing of five cent pieces helping to find guidance from the oracle. My reading looked like this: ----------------- --------x-------- radiance --------o-------- ------- -------- ----------------- gorge ------- --------- This means I am ‘not yet fording, on the edge of an important change gather your energy. Everything is possible; wait for the right moment. Rouse and inspire your forces to subjugate the disorder and corruption of the demon’s country. There will be no cause for regrets!’ Indeed. Like most vaguely worded predictions, it totally applies to me! I read it as saying that I can work on gathering my strength before taking on the next big thing. I have no idea what is next. I currently live inside someone else’s world, which in itself is not too bad. Its just not mine at all. I spend my days feeling like a ghost, haunting places in an effort to feel a sense of place. I want things I can’t have, but I can’t put them behind me either. There are a huge amount of changes taking place in my life, and I can’t keep yielding to inertia. I can’t be dragged back by the negative things surrounding me and winding through my mind. The opportunities are out there. I’m currently trying to do an Advanced Diploma in IT, with an emphasis on eLearning development. I just gotta find someone who runs the course! I don’t even have to do the whole course, I can get credit for probably half of it by showing samples of my work. But that is an exciting thing to happen, trying to get this qualification. Next week, I have an appointment with the home loans mob, to see how I go with buying a house. Just something small, in the eastern suburbs of Newcastle. Heck, that’s pretty exciting I suppose. I’m so tired of living in limbo, and sad about always having to couch surf and float around like a ghost. That’s what I feel like so often at the moment a ghost. No one wants me where I want to be, and I am not content where I am welcome. I just find it hard to get really, truly, deeply excited when the things I REALLY want have fallen apart so badly. These other things are pretty fake and I can see why people hold on so tight to material possessions and work so hard in their pursuit. Its because other kinds of comfort are really hard to find, everyone always tearing at eachother for some recognition of needs. I’ll be OK. And its my own clouded view which may not be reality…and besides, 2KO Jukebox Saturday night is on and they have already played “You Make Me Feel Like Dancin’” by Leo Sayer…}} I miss my stuff, I miss my cat, I miss being home… And now I am starting yet again…I miss you.
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