2003-06-08

All I can do is work and cry. I miss him and I hate how he feels about me.

I can't move or do. But if I don't move or do, I will feel my whole self spiral down into my deepest guts. I can feel myself dropping - a fucked up anxiety.

Its a long weekend, and all I can do is sit wedged in the doorway and cry. Thinking about how its all wrong and how I am not evil. But all I feel from outside are aspersions mis-cast. I have emptied myself out completely and it got me jack shit nowhere. Oh wait! It got me sitting wedged in the doorway crying...

Simply too depressed to move.

But in related news, I am going to be calling a chica at James Fletcher (Newcastle's er, mental facility) to try to get into their program. I have a mate who goes. If I don't get on anti-depressants ASAP I am not going to have a very good time. Not that I've been on them before, but I have never been this immobile from depression, so its time to step up to the brain drugs plate.