2003-02-15

I've just returned from the Peace Rally in Newcastle. Phew!!

I wanted to get all my friends along, but I didn't organise. Rather I just called everyone this morning, and offered them a lift to the Peace Rally, as I know funky young types can be hard to get to these things, so I thought I would make it easier by offering a lift. The rally started at 11am, so I left it until 10.30am to call folk. Still managed to wake everyone and get no takers. I am getting more and more dispondant about using the phone at all, as I always seem to disturb people. I used tothink it was cuz I called early, but now I make myself wait until the afternoon before calling ANYONE but I still find I annoy people. There is one number I am totally paranoid about ringing cuz I am scared of annoying them - I usually go around without calling now.

But despite having rung Nods up and caught her in that morning politeness before coffee, she said she would come. The only friend I have who has such big resonsibilities - but fuck 'em, she came along to the Peace Rally: 3 kids 3 and under in tow. And I don't care, cuz I know I'll probably have the best time with Nod's anyhow, she never gives me shit for anything (unless I deserve it, and I don't mind copping it from her). I rolled up solo, Nods and kids already in the car, Murray ready to double Phoebe in on the bike( only two adults can fit in Tracy, Nodder's car, cuz there are three kids' seats in the back). I leapt in the car and we went to the rally. Two prams (one a double-width twin holder), three blonde kids and thousands of Novocastrians (many others with prams) clogged Hunter St. Saw many of my pals there: CC, Patis, Ali and many, many more.

It was pretty hot and harsh for the kids, but fuck they are troopers. I spent my time doing Yuppie Mum impressions (power walking, or knees-up jogging with a baby in a pram in a desperate effort to regain size 8 body and deny ever having had a child) but I needed a pram that looked more like a mountain bike with sikk shockys. In addition I sang the Sing a Song song and Old McDonald. Then Nods and I got really pagged from walking all the way form Civic to the East End with kids, and the kids were pagged.

As for my analysis of how the rally went, well, there were fucken heaps of people, of many different kinds. I doubt it will do much to change the mids of those deciding our fates. If only an election were closer, I say, cuz I doubt the Libs would win the next one.

I've been feeling really good this week, as I have been successful at work and just trying to lift my own spirits. I got nothing for no one else, since I am still getting over the burnout factor. Burnout to me feels like you are completely empty in the heart, but absolutely full in the head. So I just try to totter along, not committing to anything, casually enjoying as much as I can for myself. This is the only way I can see myself getting better, doing things for myself. A bit of a catch-22 for someone who derives such pleasure from helping out other people.

I am sitting here watching old black and white English films - I really like their humour and lack of crassness. Plenty of wit and word play, olde language with a fair dash of slapstick. And human relationships based on stuff other than sex, boobs or sex. My obsession with things that are NOT modern is becoming more prevalent. Imean, I have a telly and things like that, but I surround myself with old things and prefer old TV, and listening to the radio and hate eating off modern crockery. Modern foods can fuck off, I prefer it simple, edible and still containing some semblance of goodness, rather than force-grown foods with the vitamins sqeezed out. Rather than plasticised conveniences, that are so convenient they will make you die earlier than if you had eaten actual foods.Conveniente! I want to dress like the past, will never, ever buy a new car or house and am returning more and more to the classic rock of the 60s, 70s and 80s - frig the 90s. I may sound like I am just getting old and starting to act like a person getting old, and its hard to convince you I am not. Maybe just smarter. There can't be anything good about rent-7-DVDs-KFC-and-gravy-too-many-tazos-taking-up-my-chip-packet-fake-monaro-new-stuff-all-the-time-upgrade-upgrade-upgrade-make-sure-you-have-a-mortgage-wow-I-work-so-much-overtime-I-am-a-martyr-to-my-workplace-and-a-stranger-to-my-family-how-vegetarian-am-i-learn-more-or-be-lost-more-inro-more-info-more-info. No, there can't.