2003-07-19

Since I spoke to you last, I have become a movie star! And quite by accident...Ali (who lives a few doors away from me) rang me up at 11am Saturday morning. Quite unusual, as she lives so close, but they were out having breakfast somewhere. anyhow, Ali asks if I would like to be in her Shootout film. I've never been involved in Shootout, as I am usually working on This Is Not Art at this time of year (its quite nice being able to participate in activities in Newcastle, for the first time since I have moved here, really - every year I have been totally taken over by TINA). The Shootout is a film competition where crews have to make a film in 24 hours, with only in-camera editing. This means you have to shoot the scenes in order, one after the other.

Before Ali called me, I had been uncontrollably sobbing on my loungeroom floor, having started whilst still in bed, waking up. I hate it when it starts in bed, before I have even gotten up. It pretty much guarantees a fucky day. Anyhow, I was rocking on the floor, sobbing to myself "someone..help..me..." over and over again, like a fucky mantra. Then the phone rang, and I decided to answer it since anything would be a distraction from my head.

At first I declined Ali's offer, on the basis that I couldn't imagine that I could stop crying long enough to do it. But then I got smart and realised that it would get my mind off things (and Ali sounded disappointed when I declined). So I agreed to play the part of the lesbian pinata maker who is called upon to make a penis pinata. Ali wanted me to be pink and lovely, so I wore a bright pink uniform thingy I have, and my Jellybean plastic shoes, with pink star earrings and pink lippy. By this time it was midday Saturday, and most serious Shootout teams had started the night before, or at least that morning.

I like that about Shootout: heaps of teams come from Sydney or sMelbs and take it seriously, having worked out a basic idea, gotten a semi-professional crew of students together and made a clever, arty fillum. Each year, several Newcatle folks wake up the Saturday morning and go "Oh, shit, yeh, I'm in Shootout" and fumble around the town trying to cobble something to gether at the last minute. Uhhhh, that was our team this year...

It was Ali's vision, with her mate Danny being the cinematographic force (er, he borrowed his sisters digicam for the weekend). I was just the hired help, but I like being asked! The lighting and sound rig consisted of a broom with a microphone taped to the bristly end and a bedside lamp (the kind that clamps to the bedhead) shoved on the same end. But we did have a tripod!

The premise of the film was that this lesbian pinata maker needs to do research to be able to make a good, life-like penis pinata. So I got to fondle Ali's vibrators, cavort around town pointing to various phallic landmarks, drink out of a bubbler in a most salacious manner, dance suggestively with a giant paper-mache penis and look at Heath's wang (heath also lives a few doors up - we have a nice posse in my street -and is in Conation).

We had a ball making it...me and Danny had to go to town to do the outdoor shots, whilst Ali stayed home and made the pinata prop. As we went to our locations, we would run into other teams making their films. Just me and Dan filming for about 2 mins at each location. Other teams had full crews and proper actors with costumes and stuff, yelling directors and calls for quiet. Not us, in and out just Danny behind the camera and me cavorting...

We finished filming at about 7pm, but Ali and Danny still had to put the soundtrack over the parts where I am running about the town. Bitchcraft's "Why Couldn't You Pick Someone Else" kicks in for those scenes...

The following night, there is a screening of the top 10 films at the Workers Club, and winners are announced an so on. I didn't go, as I was a bit head fucky, but of course, Ali and Danny went. At about 8pm I got a phone call from a shell-shocked Ali - we had gotten into the Top 10!!! Our crappe, quick film had beaten 160 films, some of them, no doubt, serious ventures...

We didn't win any prizes, but the film now tours around the country - heck, its gonna be shown at the Valhalla in Glebe! So that's kinda fun...and I have been getting some knowing looks around town - 2,500 people watched the screening at the Workers, and many would know me. And, since it was a TAFE sponsored event, some TAFE head honchos were there, and I have already received one email from a Faculty Director telling me he got a laugh out of it. Heh, it can only ENHANCE my reputation at work.

Tonight is another screening and I am taking the 'craft girls along to go see it...