2003-06-09

I feel I must tell the story of Stripey. I have told the story of purchasing Stripey when I got her back in 2000, but I haven't mentioned much since. Stripey is my 1984 Liteace van and I love her. She is modular allowing for 8 people, or a double bunk or clear her out to move all your junk! Its super cheap on fuel, has a tiny turning cirlce and is just HOTT!

However, over the last 12 months, people have just been fucking with her in tiny, accidental ways.

About a year ago, Dame ruefully offered some locals a lift somewhere, late at night, when some of them were very pissed. I wasn't there, but something about one of them kicking the side, sliding door. This meant I could not effectively use the door - until I bought a whole new one.

Well, I got a new door just before we went on tour to Melbourne last weekend (yep, I'll get around to writing about that) and its yellow. I had to go to Teralba, down a long deserted road to a wierd Auto Wreckers, complete with fat doberman dogs sleeping around the joint, see a crappy door they wanted $200 for. After being lead riiight down the back of the lot to see said door, I hightailed it outta there. (For those who do the Sydney to Newcastle train trip, it was at the place you can see where there is a massive steel dumping ground and the largest car yard you've seen in awhile alongside the tracks near Booragul/Teralba).

I then rang a nice wrecker in Raymondo (Raymond Terrace) who said he had a door for $120. "Is is in good nick?", I asked. "My van's still pretty tidy" I tried to convice them, so I didn't drive out there to find a rusted piece of crap. Aaaah, the joys of an olde car.

So 7.30am Satruday morning I was driving to Raymondo. I got there and was shown an old yellow Liteace, with all its guts taken out of the motor and dumped back into the van. It was full to the brim of metal, bits and glass. But the door, it was good! It was good! And it was yellow!

So I had it fitted by a guy who looks like that rascal uniform copper off The Bill , Des Taviner, and they didn't charge me for fitting the door - legends! It looked good, and the sound of that door a-slidin' was music to my ears. I made my friends listen to it open...and close.

So the next day, I decided Stripey had been plain for too long. I set about cuttng a BITCHCRAFT stencil, and some stars and sprayed them onto the van with pink spray paint. I added a sparkly pink playgirl sticker, the nudie lady type. Mmmmm mmm mmm! So now I have THE Bitchcraft. Pictures will soon be on the website...

So, we were driving to sMelberg and Nods was at the wheel, 3pm going through Liverpool on the big style roads, a fair whack of traffic. She decides to do a handy stop on the slight incline, but doesn't quite have the knack for getting the handy OFF. So in a panick, when the lights change, she puuuulllss it with her considerable strength, a strength too great for the handbrake of a 20 year old car. The little clicker on the side came off and the handy was still on. "hazards!" came the call from Janice in the back. Someone called "Screwdriver!" and bizarrely there was this stumpy little screwdriver in the centre console. Its not mine, don't know how it got there. But it worked at dong the thing the little clicker did - letting off the handbrake. For the rest of the tour it was handbrakes and screwdrivers ahoy!

A couple of days after returning from tour I checked my PO box - rego notice. Shit, its due in 2 weeks, haven't checked my PO box in ages, forgot about rego$800 gah!!

Next day, stop in at Bilo at 8.30pm to pick up a couple items. Park in the street out the front, behind where the taxis are. Came back 10mins later and found the glass in the middle window behind the driver still sizzling from being smashed in. The sound of a sheet of glass, freshly broken and still finding its new shape is a bit eerie. And there was no one around - was someone waiting around to smash me? My car was full of glass, I had to register it in 2 weeks and I would have to do the Auto Wreckers rounds again. Nooooooooo!! Fuckers!! Senseless vandalism! "Hello, I'm looking for a sliding window for an 84 Liteace?"

My van was freshly cleaned out after the tour, blatantly empty of stuff. I found a broken padlock in the car the next morning as I swept out the glass. It must have been the projectile. And they stole my parka. Could that have been a motive? Or were they angered by my offensive car motifs?

Regardless, my car is just an ongoing victim of people who don't love her right. I have damaged her once, I will admit. Wreckless backing into a wheelie bin resulted in a busted taillight, which I duly found a replacement for, and refitted myself. But the brake light did not work...must';ve wired it wrong.