2002-05-23

If you don't believe in this stuff, I don't really mind, as I'm not sure if I do either. But it made me feel pretty good and its a pretty nice story...

Today I woke up a little later than usual, so at 9am I was still tottering around my room with my wake-up coffee. The phone rang and I knew it would be Nardia, cuz she is the only person who calls me in the early am. Being a mother of three kids under three, she is up at sparrow's fart, and I'm up pretty early. So we have morning chats most days.

Today she was on her mobile, in her car, and I thought it strange til she reminded me she was going to her job that she does for her uni degree. She barked down the phone "Go have a reading!". For ages Nardia had been telling me about readings she had at the local Spiritualist church - a mix of tarot and psychic stuff with some God chucked in. Her feedback was always pretty amazing and I was hella curious. I'd procrastinated it though and today the order came from above...well, Nardia.

Since I had not yet started my day, I just got dressed and went. Easy! Half and hour later I was sitting acroos a card table from an old lady with really brown hair. A silk scarf with strange symbols on it covered the table (like a new age Hermis scarf) and she scattered crystals around it. Two candles burned next to a glass prism with a 3D King Tut in it. An amulet lay draped across the table and stacks of cards and little books were to one side. She muttered a couple of "Peace be with you"'s, and I tried to remember my deep breathing so I could better accept the next half hour's energy.

She started by getting me to read two passages I randomly selected from two books. Some pertinent stuff about just doing things you know you have to do, letting others do their thing and not getting too muddled with life. I sorta new these lessons and had learnt them when I went crazy back in '95 (said Grampa Simpson style). Soon she paused, faltering for a few moments. Then she asked if I had a grandfather that had passed over, I said yes. Going on, she asked if I was close to him, which I wasn't since he'd died before I was born. She wondered what other father might be opassed over. I said "My dad" very matter of factly, cuz I knew that was who she was talking about. then she spoke about what my Dad was saying, with afar away look in her eyes, often pasuing as if to hear what he was saying to her.

She said lots of stuff about my Dad that made sense and lots of quite deep stuff I can't be bothered writing in detail. I knew he was around me, and this was a chance to hear him talk to me, basically. And I think he's continuing the little life jpourney he had only just started on when he died. Learning and just being blown away by the possibilites, having lived a fairly closed emotional life before.

Before I'd gone into the reading, I'd thought about the things I wanted to know about. My relationship, my short term housing future, my dad and my direction over the next couple of years. I have felt a big swing in my life in the last two years, and I know its not finished. I have felt for sometime that Newcastle is not the end of the line for me and I know the next place I go will be the one I attach to for some time. Its just a matter of deciding what community I want to join and live around. The reading covered most of this stuff and a bit more, which really surprised me.

She saw me moving north, but she wasn't sure if it was for good or what the deal was.

Yeh, it covered my relationship, but some of my innermost thoughts on this are not really mine alone to share with you, dear reader. There is someone else involved with that. But I will say that I had some confusions cleared up and I feel steered more in the correct direction now. I feel more confident in my decisions and its all quite nice really.

Some stuff came from left of centre. She worked out I was a musician, and I told her I played with a group of girls. At this point, she returned to the moving north idea and now said that my music would take me north. Pausing and squinting at me, she asked if I was a songwriter. i nodded. She said that a couple of my songs would really be enjoyed by people, would take off more that the rest and would really be heard somehow. Interesting thought, no? But after more talk, I found that this could even be that working in a community with people and using music to affect them was the case. Not necessarily top ten success.

She asked if I had any old girlfriends, ones I had grown up with and was very close to. Knowing it was exactly the opposite I said no. So she said that maybe it was that I would find two friends and take them through our own family experiences, having children together and the like. I relfected that it might be something to with moving in with two girls, but she was sure I had known at least one of them for some time. Well, I've known Courtney for many years, but only recently really getting to know her. She could see us laughing girlishly and splashing in the water. Will we get that house at the East End near the beach?

She asked if I'd lost a close female relative who was in her forties, but I couldn't think of anyone. Maybe, she said, they are dressed inthe period 40s clothing. Sometimes they present themselves how they like to be remembered, or how we remember thaem. She closed her eyes. She was seeing a woman with brown hair, fairly flat on her head with little curls around her face, like the ladies of the 30s and 40s. I saw a picture in my head. It was a portrait of Nanna Beal, who I had lived with for a short time as a child, that had been in her house and was now displayed at my Grandmother's house. So its the way a lot of us see her. And as if Nan Beal would like to present herself as young and beautiful! So she's around me yelling out "Go for it! Full of beans!! " and geeing me on.

Its all very nice, isn't it? Nothing bad or really strange. I had a couple of pangs of sadness when we were talking about one subject, but they faded quickly, I think I misunderstood what she was saying at first. Also, I have believed for some time that there is a reason why things are going so right for me over the last couple of years. For so many years until I was 26 I had gone through a lot of dirty shit with people and felt constantly hammered and at war in my relationships. Most ended badly (hence the few good, old friends thing) and I often asked what I had done to get all this pain and hate from people. Even then I knew that they would get come-uppance and one day, I would be rewarded for my patience with this life, rewarded for not opting out and fucking it off altogether. So that's kinda what I think is happening to me. And that's why I'm not cynical about the 'all good news' vibe of the reading today, when many would be.

I called Nadia when I got home. When she took the phone from Simone, the first thing she said was "So, how's ya Dad?". That morning she'd been made aware, or just felt, that my Dad wanted to talk to me. So she rang and ordered me to have my reading today. Full on, huh?